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Students Rally to Take Back the Night
by Jessica Young
"If you are not raising your voice against injustice,
then you are part of it."
-Sister Helen Prejean
People gathered together on the Mars Hill College campus on April 10 to share their own stories and to speak out against sexual assault and domestic violence during "Take Back the Night, 2008." The speak-out aimed to end the silence that often surrounds these issues and to raise awareness, hope and courage.
The "Street Gritz" band played three numbers as people filed into the Amphitheatre outside the cafeteria. Then the stories began. Everyone asked to remain anonymous but still agreed to tell their stories.
One girl when she was 12 years old was taken to a therapist and told by her older sisters that her father was a child molester. She was told that because she was the type that blocked everything, she had forgotten. She said that she didn't want to believe that someone so close and who seemed to care so much could have done such a thing.
She said her mother was always depressed. The girl's way of dealing with that was to become the mother. She got everyone ready for school; she did the laundry; she made the lunches; she became the mom. It was the only way she knew how to cope.
It wasn't until high school when she joined a religious organization that she truly started to heal. The group's members would visit middle schools, telling their stories and encouraging anyone who had been affected to get help. She says that she is still to this day continuing her journey, but that everything takes time.
Another girl read a poem she had written about a father hitting a mother. After the first line one could see the passion and pain that was in her eyes. She read it so that listeners could imagine themselves in the position that she was in. The poem continued on to talk about how while she was in the bathtub, the water turned cold because he came in, and he was cold. After these lines one could see tears begin to well up in the eyes of the reader. She did well to hold them back. She finished by saying that she is sorry, but that he never apologized.
Another story was told by a girl who three years ago this month became a rape victim. She said that the best thing one can do is to find someone to talk to -- whether it be a family member, a friend, a counselor, or just someone to talk with to start the healing process.
Oddly enough her suite mate, who transferred here this semester from Western Carolina University, also became a rape victim about 1 ½ years ago. She found that writing journal entries was a way to deal with her stress, and she shared one with the group:
"I will not be intimidated.
I will not stand and let the assumptions be made.
Who I am and where I'm from speaks to the mirror everyday.
I wake and question every motive, every action to take.
I bear scars no one can see, but deep inside my body feels the everlasting pain.
My eyes don't speak of the moments of truth that passed me by.
My smile and laughter once were mute to the silence of constant desire to die,
To leave behind, to be left behind, to escape the perspective of reality I had
become.
I bottled it up; I felt strength weaken every time I was asked.
I hid behind doors, crying, and hoping this might be the answer.
I lost, I cracked, I crumbled.
Out of nowhere you came for silence that spoke; you saw times have not changed.
I set freedom in my walk today.
I set complete success and complete in mind, body, and soul.
I feel over- powered, and strong of letting go.
I will not be intimidated by someone who cannot see.
I will not be intimidated by fear of the future.
I will not lose; I will not fail.
Scars have healed!
I will not be intimidated by the one who scares me most.
With perspective scars this will heal, freedom past, let go!" "
Street Gritz warms us the audience
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Another story was read by a faculty member because the student didn't want anyone to know her. However, she wanted people to know the story.
He was the father of a childhood friend. She was a child and easily intimidated. From the age of 5 to 7 she was repeatedly molested, and it only stopped when he moved away. She thought herself to be ugly and an outcast through middle school, and when she was in high school she cut her wrists because it was the only way she knew how to cope.
When she came to college she used alcohol as her outlet. It was only in the past year that she started to heal. She used an Online support group, and her writing of her story helped as well. She says, "Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me and understands what he did. I wonder if there are others like me damaged by him . . .
"By telling you my story" she said, "I want you to know that sexual abuse is real and it's right here. Speak out against this crime. Be a voice, because I'm still working on finding mine."
One other girl came forward to tell her story of how she was raped and sexually assaulted by her brother. She talked about forgiveness and how she forgave him. She didn't do it for him because he wanted her too. She did it for herself and because no one deserves to live with stuff like that.
A faculty member told of working as a detective when he came across family of seven children. The three year old girl crawled on his lap, and he had blood on his lap that had come through her shorts. He had the parents arrested. He said he'll never forget their last words "till the day [he] goes to see Jesus." They said, "You take those kids from us, and we'll have more." He did, and they did .
He said that better lights and locks on college doors aren't the answer to the problem of rape on college campuses. He said that it's the attitude we have towards males and females. Why is it, he asked, that when a male is sexually active, he is thought to be equal to a Greek God, while the female is thought to be a "hoe, hore, or a slut?"
He asked, "Why take back the night? Let's take back the rest of our lives!"
Joyce Cody is a representative from My Sister's Place, which is a place where women can go who have been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. The services are free and completely confidential. She wanted those who have been a victim of sexual assault to know, "Don't call yourself a victim, call yourself a survivor," because you have survived the most horrendous crime that one could ever go through.
Austin Grainger, HR manager of a major retail chain in Asheville, also came and took part in the evening. He spent 15 years in Hickory, N.C., and was active in Take back the Night there as well. He said to those who told their stories, "You are the embodiment of what this night is all about, because no longer are you a victim. You are a victor. . .
Taking back the night
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"Each one of you here this evening is who you are for a reason. Domestic violence seems to take that away from you. The person who is abusing you physically or sexually seeks to control you in some way or form . . . they are seeking to take who you are away from you. Don't let them! Make a decision today of who you are, who you want to be, who you will have in your life, what you want out of life, and don't take anything less!!"
He talked to the men for a moment and asked them to hold their brothers accountable. If they knew this was being done to their sisters or to their mother, would they step up and do something about it? He said that they have the power to step in and do something.
Mackenzie Knapp circulated a petition to start a women's self defense class on campus. A signup sheet was circulated for those who willing to volunteer for a Lion's Patrol to come back on campus. The patrol would work in conjunction with Campus Security as an escort service around campus
One young lady also gave these tips about what to do in threatening situations:
- The elbow is the strongest part on the body; use it to fight off attackers.
- If you are being robbed and they ask for your handbag, toss it away from you. They are more likely to go for the bag than you, and when they do, run.
- If ever thrown into a trunk, kick out the tail light and wave. The driver won't see you, but other people will.
- After shopping, running errands or anything of that nature, don't sit in your car. Lock the doors and drive immediately to your next destination.
- Take an elevator. Stairwells are dangerous.
The following statistics were also shared:
- Every three minutes a woman is raped.
- Every two minutes someone is sexually assaulted.
- One in every 4 women has been a victim of sexual assault.
- Forty two percent of women raped on college campuses didn't tell anyone about the rape.
- Most college rapes are done within the first week of school.
- Worst of all, the victim normally knows the rapist.
Kayla McCurry quoted the meaning of violence, "Gender violence affects all women in all societies, all socioeconomic classes, all racial/ethnic groups, and it can occur throughout the life cycle.
Lori Heise said, "This is nor random violence. The risk factor is being female."
In the United States, this includes the interpersonal violence of battering, rape, child sexual abuse, stalking, hassles on the street, obscene phone calls, sexual harassment at school or workplace. Underlying these incidents and experiences are systemic inequalities -- which are also a kind of violence -- that maintain women's second-class status-culturally, economically, and politically."
To end the night, luminarios, or little lanterns, were lit to represent the light that shines through everyone who has ever been sexually assaulted and who knows of anyone who's been sexually assaulted, and for anyone who has helped with healing, listening and showing love. The evening closed with a moment of silence.
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