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When Your Best Friend Confides....
by Katie Powell
Friends can help
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What do you do if your best friend comes to you and tells you that she has been sexually assaulted or raped?
First, "You should feel honored that this person has gotten up enough courage to tell you," said Director of Counseling Bill Dycus. It is not an easy thing for a survivor of rape or sexual assault to talk about.
You are a resource for the victim, and you can help your friend tremendously just by sitting and listening to their story, he said.
Students can be "a walking safe haven," said Sandy Robertson, the Mars Hill College Judicial Coordinator.
Dycus and Robertson spoke on March 22 about ways to help victims of sexual assault and rape.
At a Victims Advocacy Training session in the Blue Lounge, students learned that there are courses of action one can take if they have been victimized and want help to cope with what has happened to them or to a friend.
"Students who have been victimized by this will more than likely go to other students to talk about it, not to the administration," said Dycus. This is why it is important as a friend to know what to do.
"When someone comes to you and tells you they have been raped, the best thing to do is listen and do not question anything, even if it doesn't sound right," said Dycus. The victim may not always remember everything that happened. Seventy-five percent of sexual assault and rape cases stem from alcohol, he said.
A friend may think the best thing to do is hug someone who has been sexually assaulted or raped, but that isn't always the case. It may be that the last thing a survivor of sexual assault or rape wants is to be touched, said Dycus. It may be uncomfortable for the victim. If you do want to hug your friend, ask first if it is ok.
When someone is sexually assaulted or raped, all control has been taken away from them, he said. It is important that survivors have choices, beginning with the help they wish to seek. As a friend, you can tell them the options they have.
There are a number of ways to report the incident to school officials if they wish. They can report it to the police or not. Even if they report it to the police, they can choose whether or not to file charges. They can go to the hospital and get medical attention
Counseling provides a survivor with someone who is willing to listen and give advice. The Mars Hill counseling services is completely confidential and is a support system for a victim.
Our Voice, the sexual assaults services agency in Asheville, and My Sister's Place in Madison County can also support those who have been sexually assaulted or raped.
Rape and sexual assault cases are not easy to talk about or hear about, and Dycus said sometimes it can take years before a victim says something to someone. Victims often feel shamed and think it is best to keep what has happened to them a secret. But, said Dycus, the truth of the matter is that if you can talk to someone about it, that is the best way to get help and start your road to recovery.
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