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Read About it in The Astonisher!
by Brandon Jamerson
A Mysterious Conflagration
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Near midnight, a light streaming in through the windows awoke numbers of the sleepers. Joe Bray and several of his type merely grunted discontentedly, turned over, and were asleep again immediately. Others, more astronomically inclined, investigated and saw the comet, or whatever heavenly body was causing the light, resting on the top of the library building.
This exerpt actually appeared as part of an account of the chronology of Saturday Night, April 1, 1915 The whole story began...
"The Night was dark and cloudy and the supply of oil in this city was completely exhausted---not a drop could be obtained. The merchants had recently sent extra supplies to the college dormitories and were unwilling to endure the censure of the public, affirming that never before had such an enormous quantity been utilized so quickly. Investigations were made by the school authorities. They found that all the wood was wet and green, and the students being unable to get a fire otherwise had saturated the wood with the oil from their lamps.
"Although extra duties were freely distributed to the dispensers of the oil, this did not mend matters at the time. The people of the town finally decided that perhaps Franklin's maxim "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise," was a true one after all, and they retired without further complaint. The students were delighted, exclaiming, "oh, what a good excuse for not knowing my lesson tomorrow."
The publication was The Astonisher, a newspaper put out by the staff of The Laurel, nearly a century ago. It not only challenged Mars Hill students and faculty to take a joke, but also made a parody of a normal school newspaper.
The release time on this edition was 11:59 p.m., the last minute of April Fools Day. The language and style of writing now may seem as quaint as the King James version of the Bible, but the spirit remains.
Students today spend less time lighting green stove wood with lamp oil. They have electric appliances, cars, and even cable television, but real progress is slow.
Nevertheless, after 91 years, heat in the dorms is still an issue, and students still welcome a good reason not to work. Some of them are mischievous enough to light fires in Myers dormitory on a cold morning...in trash cans.
The same types of students go to Mars Hill College, but maybe they got to know each other better back then. In a poem entitled "My Roommates" Chloe Wilson tells about her SIX roommates.
In the night-time I am dreaming,
Of my roommates who are few,
And if you'll kindly listen,
I'll describe them all to you.
First, we'll talk out Hattie,
Who is worth her weight in gold.
If she could only mange us,
Just keep us in control.
Then we'll mention Linda,
Who is fine beyond compare
If she was jut a little finer
There'd be nothing left of her
Ella's mighty jolly,
And is really very true
If a "Hol-man" she could capture
A half will never do
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Then just consider Julia,
The tall and stately one
So very full of mischief,
Just brimming o'er with fun
There's Frankie who's the life
Of all our jolly number.
She kicks the chairs, smashes plates
And bangs the doors like thunder.
Our Pearl is kind and gentle,
But very full of fun,
Like to flirt with all the boys---
Especially a red-haired one.
My poem is ended,
I give it to you free
And go back to dear "14"
Which is all the world to me."
---Chloe Waldrone Wilson
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Wilson describes her friend Linda as the fine one of the group. Today, the word "fine" is used to describe physical attraction, as in, "Oooweee. That girl's fine." In 1915, the word evidently meant "thin," also. The girl's cross-country team does a good job of showing today what Chloe was talking about.
The Pearl in the poem seems to have had a crush on a red-haired boy, which may have been significant.
Further down on the page we read in that story of a "Mysterious Conflagration" -- how at Midnight a huge light was seen coming from the bell tower of the library, but the glow was caused by neither a fire nor a comet. It was gathering of all the red-haired students of Mars Hill College:
"…who had chosen this night and this secluded place, thinking they could unobserved and unheard plan a campaign against all those abominable creatures who had made slighting remarks about red hair."
There is still a tower and a bell on top of that building, which we now know as Marshbanks, and the hero of the The Astonisher story is a Mr. Glazner, who used to climb on "Society night" to "readjust the bell." (It 1915 it rang for all class changes and required chapel services. No doubt students disabled it frequently.)
As long there are still red heads, there will still be pranks.
Wouldn't the class of 1915 have poured Mr. Bubble into the school water fountain, if they had had one back then?
Besides the jokes and outrageous stories, The Astonisher is a window on what Mars Hill College was like in 1915. Our Appalachian Room Archives Specialist Peggy Harmon doesn't have any written information about The Astonisher, but it seems to have appeared on April Fool's Days from 1911 to 1917.
A full archive of The Astonisher can be viewed in the Appalachian room with assistance from Peggy Harmon.
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